Goodbye, Miss Molly!
War On Canadians
You Bet Your Dignity!
Fake political pundit Stephen Colbert won a bet against the mayor of Oshawa, Canada the other day. As a result of the Oshawa Generals’s loss to the Saginaw Spirit, Mayor John Gray must declare his own birthday “Stephen Colbert Day.” Interestingly enough, March 20 is the same day that the U.S. invaded Iraq in 2003; Sarin gas on the Tokyo subway killed 12 and wounding 1300 persons in 1995, and John Lennon married Yoko Ono in 1969. –ND
Message In A Donut
Sending Sprinkles To The World
Looks like The Police will reunite to open the Grammys on Feb. 11. I’d like to see them if they decide to tour, but I’m not holding my breath. If Sting bawks, I think Andy and Stewart ought to tour without him. I mean, they could find a replacement easy, like him, her, or him. Any of them would do, don’t ya think? –ND
Can You Scare Me Now? Can You Scare Me Now?
If there wasn’t an ice cube around the earth,
you’d probably think the planet just pissed itself.
- 75 percent of Latin Americans think global warming as “very serious.”
- 42 percent of U.S. citizens think global warming as “very serious.”
- 13 percent of U.S. citizens said they had never even heard about global warming.
Hmmm, you’d think that with all this technology (like the Internet, cell phones, or *ahem* this *cough* blog) everyone in the United States would know about global warming by now. Perhaps we should start referring to “global warming” as a “madrassa” (the Arabic word for “school”) - you know - since Arabic words and Barack Obama are so scary. That might finally get the attention of everyone at Fox News. –ND
Nature 1, Man 0
Nice Head.
An eagle dropped a deer’s head on transmission lines, causing 10,000 residents of Juneau, Alaska to lose their electricity on Sunday. The eagle apparantly fullfilled the suicide part of his mission, but the police are still searching for his rebel leader. –ND
Webb-Slinger
Sen. Jim Webb
Sen. Jim Webb offered more than the Democratic response to President Bush’s State of the Union speech. He may have announced the beginning of a new populist revolution in America. Watch this guy. – ND
I Had A Detox
I thought AA was an airline. *Burp*
Lindsay Lohan took MLK Day seriously and went into rehab. The 20-year-old is going to miss the Sundance Film Festival on doctor’s orders, but that’s cool because her being there probably would have distracted from Dakota Fanning getting raped on screen this year.
Speaking of child abuse, it also turns out that K-Fed is trying to get Britney Spears into rehab as well. I think he should follow James Franco’s route with Lohan and ignore her, but that’s just me. I’m all about the guilt. – ND
Firemen Tears
Later this month, I Was A Teenage Podcast will be releasing its “I Was A Teenage Flying Car-Building.” We’re very excited with this revolutionary product because it’s gonna reduce drive time for commuters while saving them cash with a new cheap, alternative energy source: the tears of firemen. The only wrinkle we’re still ironing out is how to make the firemen cry. Any suggestions? — ND
Peace Intervention
Cindy: Profile of a Publicity Addict
Cindy Sheehan’s first vigil near the Bush Ranch was important news at the time. However, I can’t say the same about her activities now. In my new column Peace Intervention, I explain how I finally woke up — how I’m not supporting Sheehan or the anti-war movement anymore. Instead, I’m throwing support to the “peace-industrial complex.” — ND
It’s In The Can
Remember when Prince exposed his fanny on MTV?
Yeah, I couldn’t find that pic.
Sorry.
I’m pretty psyched that Prince will be performing at this year’s Super Bowl. I’m tired of all these controversial recording artists (Janet Jackson, Justin Timberlake, The Rolling Stones, et al.) performing during the half-time show. They’re just so dirty, you know? And you can’t promote Pepsi products with smut. But obviously, giving away a $100,000 jewel-encrusted Pepsi can isn’t. — ND
