I Was A Teenage… Blog!

It’s been two weeks since Buddhist monks in the country formerly known as Burma started their protest. I doubt though that this deal is about spirituality unless by “spirit” you mean sticking rats up your ass.  Then again, I should take that back. That’s my Western influence (aka silver dildo) talking.

Oprah is still rich. In other news, I’m still poor. Hey, don’t laugh. That wasn’t meant to be funny!

The dude who committed suicide instead of jail time for extorting Tom Cruise apparently had quite the collection of stolen celebrity stuff. Among his alleged victims include Paris Hilton, Dustin Diamond, Miss Piggy, Tonya Harding, and Pfc. Jessica Lynch. Okay, you got me. He didn’t have Miss Piggy’s stuff, though I bet you’d want to see her sex tape if she had one, don’t you?

Oop! The cat’s out of the bag. Coach Fran was caught dealing secrets to football boosters.  What is an Aggie recruiter to do?

Capitalism is good in theory, too.

This story made me want to kidnap some teenagers and introduce them to Jack Daniels. -N

Hillary wants to start a baby-industrial complex. I say why go to all that expense for college? Instead, I propose an alternative: free education for everybody! Well, it wouldn’t be “free” per se. Students would be required to take drugs that are heavily taxed by the government in order to pay for college. Just an idea. -N

Don’t swim in Lake Havasu or your brain will be eaten. Word. -N

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi told reporters that she’s going to pray harder in order to change President Bush’s mind  on vetoing an expansion of the children’s health insurance program. Good luck with that, Nancy! But you might have more luck sucking his cock… ur spaniel. Yeah, his cocker spaniel, Dave. Yeah, that’s the ticket! -N

The Mexican Consul issued a warning to nationals who attempt to drive through Irving, Texas, since the city police are known for their excessive deportions from traffic stops. But some people of Irving are happy about it. Either way, the message remains mixed:”Happy National Hispanic Month! Watch NFL football! Buy USA! But don’t come here.”