I Was A Teenage… Blog!

Leave no turkeys behind!

I figured organized religion was cheap, but I had no idea Jesus was Chinese!

I hope the Olsen twins fall off the face of the earth, for their own sakes. Either that or start getting into the cash-for-kidney market.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers haven’t done shit since “Blood Sugar Sex Magic.” So I don’t know what the hell how “Californication” became “the song of the band’s career.” Maybe when Anthony Kiedis has a live gator biting on his dong on stage, I might consider listening to them again.

She sings. She dances. She jokes. But she’s just too darn “fluid” for my tastes, especially Dory.

I don’t know what to make of this “Matt Damon is the Sexiest Man Alive” bullshit. Oh, wait, I just did. It’s bullshit. All the other “sexiest men alive” are still alive! I think it’s time we killed off the others to keep it real. And then kill Matt Damon.

Brian May can do surgery on my stars any day! I’m sorry. It’s Chancellor Brian May. Sorry…

This guy could get at least five years in prison, huh? Really? For enticing a 14-year-old to have sex against her will with her 19-year-old cousin. And how long are minimum sentences for pot smokers again? I wonder…

Vote for me as the Dalai Lama’s successor on “The Successor!” Donald Trump, eat your tupee out!

Neil Diamond just revealed that his song “Sweet Caroline” is about Caroline Kennedy, the daughter of the late JFK.
So I decided to write a song about Neil Diamond. It’s called “You’re So Lame.”