I Was A Teenage… Blog!

“Oooo, that’s a good question. Well, last year it was to pick up a drug habit. The year before that was to get AIDS. The year before that it was impregnate a half-a-dozen underage teens. Hmmm, maybe I should have started all that in a different order. Okay, so this year, I’m going to have less self-esteem.”

Dude, this groundhog must die! Like yesterday! Not a second longer!

It’s about time the Vatican trained more exorcists. Gawd! Don’t they know how bad Satan has infultrated “the media, rock music, and the internet.” Just look at these horns!

Baring martial law, I’m psyched! How about you? (Cue the Final Countdown.)

Iraq ain’t so bad. Look on the bright side: two percent of the Iraqi population still want U.S. troops there.

Big Brother is watching you. He’s not watching me, though. I’m not very what you might call “attractive.” I’m a little hard on the eyes. So I kept to myself, and he keeps to himself. It’s all good.

Robin Wright Penn is divorcing Sean Penn. Bummer. My world is shattered. I have no reason to live. Oooo, I think I still have some presents under the X-mas to open! C-ya!

Whoa! Saddam was executed a year ago! My how time flies!

So New England’s got the first “perfect season” since the ‘74 Miami Dolphins. Now all they have to do is win the Super Bowl. No pressure!

Letterman agreed to the Writers Guild’s terms. Good for them. I was tired of watching better comedy in my dreams.